Are Recovery Books Only for Addicts?

| November 8, 2017

 

Freedom people living a free, happy, carefree life at beach. Silhouettes of a couple at sunset arms raised up showing happiness and a healthy lifestyle against a colorful sky of clouds background.

The primary purpose of most recovery books is to help those suffering from substance abuse find ways to “recover” from their debilitating addictions, including their obsession and compulsion to drink and “use.”

However, the question can be asked: Are recovery books only for addicts? Which is to say, can they also help people who “suffer” emotionally, physically, and spiritually from other unhealthy propensities and compulsions?

I believe the answer is yes in most cases.

Some recovery books, for example, can help people reduce the propensity to constantly enable their children and loved ones to their detriment; overcome the procrastination and stagnancy of being frozen by their fear, anger, and anxiety; alleviate the harms resulting from the strong need to control others; and mitigate the disharmony and discord from the unwillingness to accept people and things as they are.

On topic, you may wish to read my post, The Link Between Addiction and Control, which generated more traffic and Facebook shares than any post I wrote in the past three years.

While not specifically intended as such, in many ways my book Losing Control, Finding Serenity (LCFS) is a recovery book, and I am grateful that it has received interest from those in or seeking recovery. At the same time, it resonates strongly with people wishing to reduce their propensity towards co-dependency, their compulsion to control others, and their constant struggle with fear, anger and rage—all of which deprive them of peace and serenity.

*At various times LCFS has been in the Amazon top 100 in the categories of co-dependency, twelve steps, personal growth and transformation, and self-help.

One reason I believe that recovery books can also help others is that the precepts of powerlessness and acceptance that many propound as a prerequisite to recovery—specifically, the addict’s powerlessness over abusive substances and acceptance of how it severely impacts his or her life—can also be applied to other debilitating conditions and circumstances.

For example, people are essentially powerless over such situations and conditions as:

  1. A child’s learning disability.
  2. A loved one’s character flaws.
  3. Parents’ inability to outwardly express love.
  4. Co-workers’ or bosses being uncaring or overbearing.
  5. Physical limitations and infirmities.

Accepting that we are powerless over such circumstances and conditions reveals realistic options and choices that can mitigate our pain and suffering and thereby improve our lives.   Simply put, with acceptance comes choice.

In writing my forthcoming book, The Gifts of Acceptance: Embracing People and Things as They Are, it is my hope that it will benefit both those seeking recovery from addictions and addictive behavior and those whose serenity and well-being are impacted by other harmful propensities, attitudes, and behavior patterns, such as denial, unreasonable expectations, arrogance, and the unwillingness to accept “what is.” (A preview chapter of the book can be downloaded by clicking here.)

What is your view on this subject?

Do you agree that recovery books can help others with their life challenges and struggles? Have you personally benefited from a recovery book or know of someone who has?  Or do you disagree with the proposition? Please share your views.

In the meantime, remember to

Let it Go—and Accept What Is! 

…and Let’s Help Make Acceptance Go Viral!

Danny

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The Link Between Addiction and Control

| July 26, 2017

The lives of addicts often reel out of control, especially for those who have not started down the path to personal recovery. Many feel ashamed and powerless over their addiction and many things in their lives. To counter their anxiety and attempt to gain some semblance of control in their lives, they try to exert “external” control over others and important aspects of their lives.

Some believe addicts are control freaks. Licensed clinical social worker Rita Milios explains why in her informative article appearing in Recovery.org titled Control Freak: How to Stop Trying to Change Your World and Change Yourself Instead. Visit this link to read the article.

“If a person feels that they have lost control of themselves and their substance use, they often shift their sphere of control to other areas of their life. Feeling out of control increases the anxiety, and becoming a “control freak” is one way an addict may attempt to reduce this anxiety. Exerting outward control may also be an attempt to manage other uncomfortable emotions, such as depression, low self-esteem or feelings of powerlessness.”

Which Comes First—Addiction or Control? 

Yet, if addiction leads to the need to control, can it also be said that excessively controlling behavior can lead to addiction? An intriguing question, to be sure, given the toxic energy and anxiety created by such compulsive behavior.

Lisa, a recovering alcoholic, isn’t sure which came first for her.  She explains it this way in her introspective article, The Need for Control and Addiction:

“Looking back on my sobriety so far, those early days were cruel and painful. I didn’t know what I was doing, and I hated it. I was out of control, and I hated it. For a control freak like me, that was hard to handle!   I wonder what came first, Control Freak Personality/Type A or Addiction?….I do know that the more I abused alcohol, the more out of control I felt I was, therefore more anxious, therefore I drank more.”

Do Controllers Have More Control Over Their Lives? 

I believe there is a significant link between control and addiction. Irrespective of what comes first, I seriously doubt that addicts gain more control over their lives by being controlling. In fact, in Losing Control, Finding Serenity: How the Need to Control Hurts Us and How to Let It Go, I demonstrate through true stories that the best way you can gain control of your life—to the extent that you ever can—is by losing or letting go of control. Many believe it to be the first step in personal recovery And I believe the contrary also to be true:

The more you try to control your life, the more out of control your life becomes! 

Indeed, this belief is a cornerstone of the widely attended Al-Anon Twelve Step Program for personal recovery, where the harms of control are examined and ways of letting go of it shared.

This conclusion is readily apparent if you consider that life’s natural currents are unpredictable and have a constantly moving, ever-changing ebb and flow. Some people refer to this as Life’s Impermanence. Things never remain the same. As such, life (and people) can’t be controlled and trying to do so is akin to gripping a rapidly moving conveyor built: you will either get burned or dragged along.

What’s your belief about the link between addiction and control? Do you believe that control itself is an addiction? Is there an addict in your family that tries to control everything?   Does it alleviate his/her suffering? Please share with me and others your experiences with the addiction/control dynamic.

In the meantime, remember to

Let It Go! 

Danny

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