acceptance stories Archives

Many people sincerely wish to stop trying to control their important relationships and practice acceptance, but find it very difficult to do so. They realize that it would be better for others, as well as themselves.

It may be a mother who knows that it is best not to constantly come to the “rescue” of her children when they are careless or forgetful, lest it deprives them of learning to be more responsible. It may be a mate or partner who knows that constantly nagging his or her counterpart impacts trust and intimacy. Or it may be a supervisor who wishes to delegate more tasks to his team so that they can better develop their skills, while at the same time allow him or her to devote more time to critical work needs.

Whatever the relationship may be,

The keys to letting go of control are almost always the same.

In Losing Control, Finding Serenity I provide a broad array of tools and techniques for relinquishing control in all types of relationships, but for now here are five effective ones you can try.

5 Key Ways to Let Go of Control in Relationships

1. Learn to accept others as they are. The more you accept the idiosyncrasies, irritants, and “flaws” of others, the less you will feel the need to control them.

2. Face and process your relationship fears. Most controlling actions are fear based. Try to identify your relationship fears and then examine how real or significant they are. Most of the time, they are more imagined, than real.

3. Focus on improving your own shortcomings. This will take the focus off trying to change others and place it where it will be most impactful: yourself!

4. Lower your expectations of others. The more you expect from others, the more you will try to control them. Click here to read my blog post, Tips for Letting Go of High Expectations.

5. Recognize that you cannot meaningfully control others. At bottom, excessive control represents our attempt to change another’s very nature and spirit. But because another’s true spirit cannot be changed—except by that person alone—our efforts to do so are not only fruitless, they are also harmful.

What do you do to let go of control in your important relationships? Please share your acceptance stories with me.

Visit this link to discover more ways to practice acceptance.

In the meantime, remember to

Let It Go–and Accept “Whaat Is!”

Danny

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Denial is usually associated with rejecting or denying a certain state of affairs, or thinking or believing that things “aren’t so.” However, denial really encompasses much more than that; wishful thinking, turning a blind eye, and withdrawal are just a few subtle ways of our not wanting to accept the “what is” in our lives. Click here to read “5 Keys to Practicing Acceptance” to learn how to practice more acceptance in your life.

More specifically, denial includes such things as not admitting to ourselves that our spouse has a severe drinking problem or an addiction; not dealing with a recurring health issue; avoiding a serious business or financial matter; not accepting that our child has social problems; and not owning up to a loss in performance in our favorite activities.

Whatever its form or manner, denial is fraught with harm to our happiness and well being.

It makes no difference whether our denial is intentional or not. When we deny the “reality” of our problems and troubling issues, they invariably become harder to deal with later.

And very importantly, denial prevents us from making choices and pursuing paths that could alleviate the very problems we are denying.

Why? Because we usually can’t “see” them!

Consequently, it is better (and healthier) for us to Let Go of Denial!

One thing that can’t be denied, however, is that denial is very difficult to overcome. In most cases, I have observed that there are two, interlinked reasons for this:

*Our ignorance or lack of awareness of “what is”, and

*Our unwillingness or inability to accept “what is.”

Hence, to let go of denial, we first need to be aware of the underlying reality of what’s going on. To wit: Is there a problem? How serious is it? What is the dynamic or cause and effect? And how is it impacting us or others?

Once we are cognizant of the problem or issue, we then need to accept its underlying reality, which is to say, dispassionately see it for what it is. Expressed somewhat differently,

We must be able to see the “truth” and then have the courage and wherewithal to act upon it.

Very importantly, however, this does not mean that we need to like or approve of such things, but rather simply see them for what they are and recognize that we are effectively powerless over changing them.

Unfortunately, it often takes considerable discomfort (often caused by our repeated denials) before we begin to recognize the changes we need to make. We may also need the help and guidance of others—including friends, mentors and therapists—to help shine the light for us. Hearing and reading others’ acceptance stories can also help.

Ultimately, letting go of denial is a gradual process of “awakening,” and as we begin to experience the benefits—blessings, really—of accepting life as it is, letting go of denial becomes much easier.

Please share your acceptance stories in the comment area below of how denial has impacted you and your love ones, and how you learned to let it go.

In the meantime, remember to

Let It Go–and Accept “What Is!”

…and Let’s Help Make Acceptance Go Viral!

Danny

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