Overcoming Denial in The Time of Coronavirus

| July 15, 2020

(8th in an ongoing series on “Acceptance in The Time of Coronavirus”)

Overcoming denial is a prerequisite to acceptance.  You can’t accept “what is” when you are unaware, can’t, or refuse to “see” the underlying reality of the situation.

This is perhaps even more true in The Time of Coronavirus. 

Denial is not just denying or rejecting a certain state of affairs.  Its subtler forms include wishful thinking, kidding ourselves, underestimating things, avoidance, or simply choosing to turn a blind eye.

I feel much of our responses to Covid 19 are of that nature. At the beginning, it was all too easy for me to discount or minimize its spread and impact on our lives.  And I am quite sure that I was not alone in believing that.

I frequently heard (and still do) what I consider denial based comments about Covid 19, such as the following:

“It’s not that harmful—the flu kills more people each year”

“They will soon find a vaccine”

“The virus will soon run its course”

“I’m young and in good health”

“Only old people are at risk”

“People are just running scared”

“It’s all politically based”

And the highly optimistic denial: “Things are getting much better now”

The problem is that when you are in denial of the underlying issue or problem,

You can’t make the choices and pursue the paths that can alleviate the very problems you are denying. 

Indeed, you risk making them worse!

A prime example is the early opening of restaurants, bars, gyms, and other gathering places by many states and local governments.   In almost every instance, there has been a huge spike in cases, deaths, and shortage of hospital and ICU beds.

I’ve previously offered ways to let go of denial in other contexts. (See my post, “Letting Go of Denial”).   One vital key is worth repeating:

We must be able to dispassionately see the “truth” and then have the courage and wherewithal to act upon it. 

I understand that people will see different versions of the truth and/or may choose to act in different ways upon it, especially in these highly divisive times.

Nonetheless, I encourage you to at least be willing to reexamine your deeply ingrained beliefs in order to gain a greater awareness of when, how, and what you may be denying in The Time of Coronavirus.   Remember, too, that when you deny less, you accept more, and will have greater serenity even during turbulent times.

In the meantime, remember to

Let It Go—and Accept “What Is!” 

Danny

* To help make The Gifts of Acceptance and Losing Control, Finding Serenity available to more people during the coronavirus crisis, I have lowered their ebook prices to $2.99.

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Acceptance or Denial? It’s Your Choice to Make!

| August 28, 2017

 

When we are struggling in coping with a troubling issue, we basically have two choices: We can accept the underlying reality of the situation, or we can deny it.  It’s your choice to make!

I strongly encourage people to choose acceptance because that is the only way we can begin to effectively deal with the problem. But here’s the irony—and challenge: We must first overcome our denial before we know what it is that needs accepting. Which is to say, denial obscures acceptance.

It’s no easy task because we tend to be quite clever and creative with our denials.  Wishful thinking is pervasive. So, too, is our propensity to turn a blind eye or suddenly become a “minimalist.” Typical situations are where parents fail or are too slow to recognize the extent of their children’s drug or alcohol use, when a loved one fails to recognize that his or her partner is dealing with severe anxiety or depression, and when we aren’t addressing a serious health condition.

An even more powerful obstacle is the persistent belief that we have the power to make things better when, in fact, we don’t.  Call this, if you will, the Superman myth. Members of this not so exclusive club include control freaks, dedicated problem solvers, perfectionists, and others with inflated egos.  In short, they believe they can conquer reality.

Such people persist in trying to find solutions until they can’t “fly” anymore and crash to the bottom.  Only then are they able to recognize that they are powerless over the matter.   Regrettably, by that time they may have ruined or lost close relationships or salvageable situations may have become irreparable.

But you need not reach that dire point if you let go of your denial and accept “what is.” My forthcoming book The Gifts of Acceptance includes a chapter on letting go of denial and stories of how people, including many control freaks, were able to overcome their denial. (You can download the first chapter of the book for free by clicking here) You can also get some tips from my recent blog post on the subject.

In the meantime,

Let It Go—and Accept What Is!

…and Let’s Help Make Acceptance Go Viral!

Danny

*If you enjoyed this post, please “like” it on your Facebook page and share it with others.

Letting Go of Denial

| July 5, 2017


Denial is usually associated with rejecting or denying a certain state of affairs, or thinking or believing that things “aren’t so.” However, denial really encompasses much more than that; wishful thinking, turning a blind eye, and withdrawal are just a few subtle ways of our not wanting to accept the “what is” in our lives. Click here to read  “5 Keys to Practicing Acceptance” to learn how to practice more acceptance in your life.

More specifically, denial includes such things as not admitting to ourselves that our spouse has a severe drinking problem or an addiction; not dealing with a recurring health issue; avoiding a serious business or financial matter; not accepting that our child has social problems; and not owning up to a loss in performance in our favorite activities.

Whatever its form or manner, denial is fraught with harm to our happiness and well being.  

It makes no difference whether our denial is intentional or not.  When we deny the “reality” of our problems and troubling issues, they invariably become harder to deal with later.

And very importantly, denial prevents us from making choices and pursuing paths that could alleviate the very problems we are denying.

Why? Because we usually can’t “see” them!

Consequently, it is better (and healthier) for us to Let Go of Denial!        

One thing that can’t be denied, however, is that denial is very difficult to overcome.  In most cases, I have observed that there are two, interlinked reasons for this:

         *Our ignorance or lack of awareness of “what is”, and 

         *Our unwillingness or inability to accept “what is.” 

Hence, to let go of denial, we first need to be aware of the underlying reality of what’s going on.   To wit: Is there a problem? How serious is it? What is the dynamic or cause and effect? And how is it impacting us or others?

Once we are cognizant of the problem or issue, we then need to accept its underlying reality, which is to say, dispassionately see it for what it is. Expressed somewhat differently,

We must be able to see the “truth” and then have the courage and wherewithal to act upon it.   

Very importantly, however, this does not mean that we need to like or approve of such things, but rather simply see them for what they are and recognize that we are effectively powerless over changing them.

Unfortunately, it often takes considerable discomfort (often caused by our repeated denials) before we begin to recognize the changes we need to make. We may also need the help and guidance of others—including friends, mentors and therapists—to help shine the light for us. Hearing and reading others’ acceptance stories can also help.

Ultimately, letting go of denial is a gradual process of “awakening,” and as we begin to experience the benefits—blessings, really—of accepting life as it is, letting go of denial becomes much easier.

Please share your acceptance stories in the comment area below of how denial has impacted you and your love ones, and how you learned to let it go.

In the meantime, remember to

Let It Go–and Accept “What Is!”

…and Let’s Help Make Acceptance Go Viral!

Danny

*If you enjoyed this post, please “like” it on your Facebook page and share it with others.