The Link Between Acceptance and Recovery

| June 11, 2018

In a previous post, The Link between Addiction and Control, I considered whether a pertinent connection exists between addiction and control. I hypothesized that because the internal lives of most addicts are so out of control, they attempt to manage their uncomfortable emotions and feelings of powerlessness by exerting strong outward forms of control. This blog post was shared more times than any other in the seven-year history of this blog. Many readers agreed that addiction and control are connected, and many others did not.

In my new book, The Gifts of Acceptance: Embracing People and Things as They Are, I explain why acceptance is the best antidote for the compulsion to control.

Given acceptance’s strong impact on control, I have been thinking about its relationship to addiction and recovery. What are the links, if any, among the three? Some pertinent questions come to mind:

          Do addicts need to accept that they are powerless over their addiction before they can recover from it?

         Do most addicts live in denial of their addiction and the impact it has on their lives—and the lives of others? (more…)

Acceptance or Denial? It’s Your Choice to Make!

| August 28, 2017

 

When we are struggling in coping with a troubling issue, we basically have two choices: We can accept the underlying reality of the situation, or we can deny it.  It’s your choice to make!

I strongly encourage people to choose acceptance because that is the only way we can begin to effectively deal with the problem. But here’s the irony—and challenge: We must first overcome our denial before we know what it is that needs accepting. Which is to say, denial obscures acceptance.

It’s no easy task because we tend to be quite clever and creative with our denials.  Wishful thinking is pervasive. So, too, is our propensity to turn a blind eye or suddenly become a “minimalist.” Typical situations are where parents fail or are too slow to recognize the extent of their children’s drug or alcohol use, when a loved one fails to recognize that his or her partner is dealing with severe anxiety or depression, and when we aren’t addressing a serious health condition.

An even more powerful obstacle is the persistent belief that we have the power to make things better when, in fact, we don’t.  Call this, if you will, the Superman myth. Members of this not so exclusive club include control freaks, dedicated problem solvers, perfectionists, and others with inflated egos.  In short, they believe they can conquer reality.

Such people persist in trying to find solutions until they can’t “fly” anymore and crash to the bottom.  Only then are they able to recognize that they are powerless over the matter.   Regrettably, by that time they may have ruined or lost close relationships or salvageable situations may have become irreparable.

But you need not reach that dire point if you let go of your denial and accept “what is.” My forthcoming book The Gifts of Acceptance includes a chapter on letting go of denial and stories of how people, including many control freaks, were able to overcome their denial. (You can download the first chapter of the book for free by clicking here) You can also get some tips from my recent blog post on the subject.

In the meantime,

Let It Go—and Accept What Is!

…and Let’s Help Make Acceptance Go Viral!

Danny

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Should You Tell Your Loved One About Your Past Addiction?

| January 25, 2017

 

Guest Post by Anne Southern

Over 20 million Americans struggle with some form of substance addiction, whether to drugs or alcohol (this does not include the many million more who are also addicted to tobacco) Despite this huge body of people with direct experience of addiction, it remains a huge taboo in our society and, once clean, many people choose to hide their past as an addict from the significant people in their lives.

This level of deception and control can be hugely damaging to relationships, particularly to romantic relationships, and can make it difficult to let go and truly accept happiness. You will never truly know whether the person you are choosing to build a life with loves you for who you are until you have shown them every aspect of who you are, including the parts of your past that you are less than proud of.

Let Go of Your Shame (more…)