moderating expectations Archives

(4^th in an ongoing series on Acceptance in The Time of Coronavirus)

I’ve often talked and written about the importance of moderating our expectations if we wish to control less and accept more. High expectations can hurt us in a lot of ways. ( See my post,“5 Ways High Expectations Hurt You”)

A recent occurrence made me realize that it’s even more important to manage our expectations in The Time of Coronavirus, given all the uncertainty and unknowns, and the emotional tolls it has taken on people.

A few days ago I visited my local pharmacy to pick up two prescriptions I had phoned in the week before. Although the only customer in the store, I waited (with mask on) for what felt like an eternity while the pharmacist was speaking with another customer on the phone.

Truth be told, the wait was actually only about 5 minutes, but I found myself getting anxious and impatient. I had wanted to get in and out of there.

When the pharmacist finally got off the phone, she informed me that only one of the prescriptions was ready, because the other one had expired.

Oh brother, I told myself. I would now have to come back again when the other prescription was filled. Fortunately, I “cooled off.” After all, the pharmacist was a sweet, kind person, who was doing her best during The Time of Coronavirus!

When I later reflected on the incident, I realized my expectations created my angst. Specifically, I expected that

It would be a quick and easy pick-up since I came several days after the pharmacist told me the prescriptions would be ready.

That she would have called my doctor for a renewal, as she had done in the past.

She would tell the phone caller that she would call back after taking care of her store customer—me. (Pretty presumptuous of me!)

And the all-inclusive expectation:

That everything would be (and operate) the same as it had before coronavirus. (Really?)

I know this is a silly little story, but these everyday types of occurrences can easily affect our serenity, if we let them, because of our expectations.

As I’ve said before, we need to cut people some slack!

So, bottom line, we need to manage our expectations better, lest we become agitated ourselves. (See “Accepting Agitated People in The Time of Coronavirus”)

These are not normal times, and our so-called “normal” expectations don’t serve us well now, if they ever did!

Simply put, they aren’t healthy for us.

So I encourage you to moderate, manage, and lower your expectations during the Time of Coronavirus. My post “Let Go of Control by Moderating Your Expectations” will help you do that.

In the meantime,

Let It Go—and Accept “What Is!”

Danny

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**To help make The Gifts of Acceptance and Losing Control, Finding Serenity available to more people, I have lowered their ebook prices to $2.99.

Setting intentions for letting go of control in our life is very helpful. A key one for me is “moderate my expectations.” Unrealistic expectations propel us to try to control vital aspects of our lives such as family, intimate relations, friendships, and work affairs, often leading to disappointment and resentment.

It is Important to Moderate our Expectations

While it is important to form clear intentions, it is equally important that we pursue them in a realistic manner. Once we start expecting too much or too soon, we start pressing, pressuring, resisting and the like, and that disrupts the natural flow of events (“life’s natural currents”) that are the best means of fulfilling our intentions.

My High Tennis Expectations Set Me Back!

An intention I formed last fall was to faire better in seniors tennis tournaments. I thus began taking lessons and playing more often. I made good progress and became very excited—and my expectations soared. Maybe, I thought, I could even start winning some tournaments. I decided to enter two major January tournaments in the Palm Springs area.

Then, three weeks ago, I injured my back because I continued playing after my back muscles tightened from serving too hard. After chiropractic treatments for two weeks, I felt better, but still had a lot of discomfort and had to withdraw from the first tournament. I was disheartened and even depressed.

I soon realized that my maintaining such high expectations had undermined by tennis intentions. I reflected on how I could moderate my expectations to make them more realistic. Below are some of the ways that I found very helpful in moderating my tennis expectations–and which I believe will improve my chances of fulfilling my tennis desires.

Tips for Moderating High Expectations

*Don’t press to make your intentions happen. Let them happen organically–plant the seeds, if you will, and water them throughout the year, being careful not to “flood” them. In my case, I pressed too hard and was injured.

*Don’t strive for perfection. This invariably leads to disappointment, frustration, and resentment. Consequently, don’t set the bar too high. I clearly set my tennis bar too high, setting myself up for disappointment.

*Accept setbacks. Don’t expect linear progress. It likely took many years to form the habits and patterns that you wish to change, and as such, most are deeply ingrained. Hence, accept that there will likely be relapses along the way and don’t be discouraged.

*Be grateful for partial successes. Honor and appreciate partial successes in fulfilling your intentions. Small steps lead to larger ones.

My Revised Expectations and Intentions

This Sunday I play in the largest seniors tournament in the United States and my opponent is the 5^th best player in the nation in my age division. Here are my expectations/intentions with respect to the tournament.

1. To enjoy the experience and be grateful for the opportunity to learn from playing against a top-notch player.

2. To try to incorporate what I have learned in my lessons.

3. And, to enjoy the beautiful desert scenery, meet new friends–and have a lot of fun!

In the meantime, remember to

Let It Go–and Accept “What Is!”

Danny

*If you enjoyed this post, please “like” it on your Facebook page and share it with others.

Managing Expectations in The Time of Coronavirus

Tips for Letting Go of High Expectations